Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
