jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
