We're facebook friends in real life
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
