allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
