Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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