Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
