Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
