I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize