the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sext me about skeletons
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
