Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
