im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
