A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
