I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
