I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
