i jhust puked up my retainher.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
