I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize