2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
