In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
