I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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