I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
