She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
