walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
