I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
