i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize