super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
