you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
