The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
