I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
