a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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