okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize