Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
do nipples grow back?
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