worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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