I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i need some magic done to my vagina
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry about my life...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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