Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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