I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
