All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
