a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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