Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you traded sex for a burrito?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
