this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
