but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
