Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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