he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
