Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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