I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
