had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
