He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
