i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
