I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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