so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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