Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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