dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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