She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
