Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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