I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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