tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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