Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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