I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
