If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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