Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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