It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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