Your mouth is God's brothel.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
