my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
