Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
being pregnant is like rehab
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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