I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
