Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
