I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
