this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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