i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
