he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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