I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just pee around me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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