thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
