At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
