I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
